-ahem.

thank you angel for helping to update this dusty blog.
because my life is such a bore,
i just can't be bothered to put anything up anymore.
heh heh. =p

so anyways,
i wanna say thank you for everything this angel has done for me.
she's been really nice to me during this difficult period of time.

and urgh!
i have wake up @ 0430hrs on saturday and sunday.
because of this stupid ops. -_-
i'm sposed to reach station @ 0530hrs.
wahhh. you dont know how tiring it is man.
lols. so anyways, first day, went there.
hoped for something nice for breakfast,
and i got ...
ROTI JOHN, from the canteen,
which totally sucks ! LOL. -_-..
and then on the second day,
which is today, when i already lose hope on what we have to eat,
they gave us ...
nasi lemak.. and a very big portion of it. -_-

tell me, who's gonna finish such a big heavy portion of breakfast like that. -_-
which made the thrash bag 32543243 times more heavy. -_- yay ?

oh but who's complaining when you get to sleep during that whole period.
hehe. rawrX.
urh. so yepp, thats about it for now.
so yeah, i'm home now doing nothing. =D
heh ! ^^

loves.

an angel has descended from heaven! :D
heh, specially to help matsui toshihiro update his dusty blog.

matsui toshihiro is cursed by sickness!
he is always and forever sick.
-shakeshead.
talking about karma.......

ANYWAY.
yup! matsui toshihiro loves all of you who are reading this.
please take good care of yourself,
and matsui toshihiro will be blessed with more good karma!

loves. (:

i do miss you,
and it's true that i do.
i'm sorry today has to turn out this way,
and i hope tomorrow will be a better day.
i think i'm just stupid enough to not get any hints.

this is my 100th post.
maybe it should've been something cheerful,
but somehow, i can't bring myself to put anything happy up.

life hasn't really been good.
thou there are moments where i can really smile,
and laugh my heart out,
but i can't tell people that im really satisfied with my life.

i've been sick ever since god know when,
and it doesnt stop.
it's like an on and off kinda thing,
and it's taking a toll on me.
it's not that i really wanna be sick or anything like that.
but i just am.
and it seems like no matter what i do,
i still fall sick in the end.
=\

i think i really need to go for a full body checkup.
see what the hell's wrong with me..

...

this is my 100th post, and it's so pathetic =.= ..
oh well, forget it lah.
i'm just super moodless to blog anything now so yeah..

life's a b*tch.

when one has one too many expectations,
it seems that they forget about the expectations of others..

he stayed up all night thinking,
"what went wrong? where did it go wrong?"
he couldn't sleep, even when he layed on bed.
everytime he closes his eyes, the image of a backview appears.
he didn't dare to close his eyes anymore.
so he just layed there, thinking ...

-------------

morning came, and he still layed there,
with tear-filled, bloodshot eyes.
he knew he had to go to work, but he didn't want to.
he called his supervisor and told him that he couldn't make it today.
he was angry, but agreed in the end.
he just sat on his bed the whole day, without eating nor sleeping.

...

lonliness is a scary thing ..

"please, dont turn your back on me ever.." he said, crying.
"i can't promise you anything.. i'm sorry." came her reply.
still hurt, but he stopped crying and said,
"it's okay, as long as you promise to just try."

...

he tried his best, each time,
to make her happy, to see her smile.
"i just wanna let you know, i love you." he said, smiling.
she smiled back at him, with her sweetest smile.
"please know that, in my life, i only wanna make one person happy,
make one person feel all the love i can give. and please remember,
when there comes a time i'd make you angry, it would never be on purpose.
i love you too much to see you sad." he continued.
she was touched, "thank you.. i love you too."

but it seems like no matter how much he wanted to make her happy,
he seemed best at only knowing how to upset her..

...

.. he ran up and stopped her from leaving.

"please, don't just leave. let us talk it over." he begged, on the verge of tears.
"why should i?" she retorted.
"please.. just calm down and talk it over(like grown people). dont do this to me."
he went on.
"NO! get lost. i hate you." she said, with such angst, such hatred.

he was at a loss for words.
she left, with her back facing him, both with tears in their eyes.

...

through love's end,
my heart will stay.
not by others, but only by you.

to love's end,
hearts and souls shattered.
one will mend and rise again,
and the other dies...

destined to love,
but only to reach love's end,
never eternity ..